Ever since my dad was in a car accident about two months ago, my life has been very difficult. I remember the day it happened like it was yesterday. My mom picked me up from school like normal. I got in the car and I had a really weird feeling. She asked me if I needed anything, which was strange because normally she only asks about how my day was. I said I didn't need anything but why she asked me. She told me my dad had been in a bad car accident and had to be taken to the hospital. Knowing that my dad was still going to look really messed up from the accident, I sat this one out while my mom went up to the hospital to visit him.
I remember being really scared that he wasn't going to make it. My house felt unwelcoming and strange without anyone from my family being there. That night, I got several calls from different family members asking if my dad was ok and if I needed anything. I was still in shock so I didn't know what to say. While holding back tears, I told them I was ok and that I didn't need anything. Every time I got off the phone with someone, I would put my face down in the pillow and cry.
The next day at school was really hard. It felt like everyone knew what happened and wanted to know every last detail about how I was feeling and how my dad was doing and if I needed anything. It was extremely overwhelming because I was still in shock and having a hard time thinking. I didn't want to talk about anything because I knew that I would cry.
Right after school that day, I went up to Eastern Maine Medical Center to see my dad. When we walked into his hospital room, my dad had matted up blood in his hair and he could barely talk because he was in so much pain. I tried to stay strong for my mom but it was breaking my heart to see him like that. The doctors said that he had a broken sternum and a concussion and he would need physical therapy to get back to normal.
The next day when I visited my dad it really killed me. He was on so much Oxycodone that he wasn't himself at all. He kept crying and he was really emotional. The doctors said it was because of the concussion, but I think they were giving him too much medication. He would have several hallucinations when we were up there which was hard to see. He kept saying that he didn't want to live anymore and there was no point. Our only reliable car had been totaled. He loved that thing. When it became unbearable, I walked out into the hallway and started bawling my eyes out. I rested my head on the wall while wiping away tears. I felt like my entire family's life was about to be changed forever.
One of the nurses saw me crying in the hallway and asked me what was wrong and I told her everything that my dad was saying. I told her that he didn't want to live anymore. She asked me where my dad's room was and my dad had to get counseling from different people in the hospital. They were trying to put my dad on antidepressants and that's when I lost it. They said it wouldn't change my dad's personality whatsoever, but I know from experience in the past that it completely changes a person. I hated going to that hospital because I knew they were over-medicating my dad just so he wouldn't be a bother to them.
My mom wanted me to go up to the hospital to visit my dad all the time, but I knew whenever I went up there it would just be the same thing over and over. I would get really pissed because it seemed like none of the nurses cared about my dad at all. They would take forever to get into his room whenever my dad buzzed them and they would give him too much pain medicine.
It was like this every day for the next week or so. The doctors said that my dad would need to go to Ross Manor or the Veterans Home after getting out of the hospital to get the proper care. My dad would cry and say he didn't want to go to Ross Manor because almost everyone he knew that went there had passed away. We got it arranged that he would be able to stay at the Veterans Home. He was there for about a month I think. It felt like an eternity.
Every time I would come home, the house felt like a completely different atmosphere. When my dad was at our house, he would have almost every radio and TV in the house on. Now it was silent. Sometimes my mom would have to work the night shift so I would be at my house by myself. I was really scared because I thought that someone would break in and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I had to make sure the door was locked every night. Even if I wasn't going to bed, I made sure the door was locked at all times.
Even though my dad is back home now, my mom and I still have to do a lot of things on our own. Not only do we have to deal with the emotional toll of the accident, we have to deal with only having one reliable car, having to ask my brother to snow plow the driveway, and having to take care of my dad. It can be really stressful at times. Sometimes I don't know how I'm going to get to school or get home and I hate having to get rides from people. I never know what condition the house is going to be in when I get home because my dad almost never locks the door and my mom is almost always at work. Sometimes my mom has to work up to 18 hours because people don't show up, so I have to take care of the house and my dad.
Some days are easier than others, some days I feel stressed and overwhelmed. I just remember that my dad would be proud of me for going to school and getting my education. I know that I can't let personal problems stop me from getting where I want to be in the future, that's why I keep going.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Chocolate Almond Nuggets
Today for a snack I brought an entire bag of Hershey's chocolate almond nugs. Or nuggets. Whichever you prefer. They'll probably all be gone by the end of the day. Last night I got through another long night of math credit recovery, it was awful. The good thing about credit recovery this year is that everyone in there is from Algebra II, so it actually does help me with that class.
Last night my car started!! Yep, that's right. It took about six tries but she finally revved right up. All the doors in my car are working now so my mom doesn't have to ride in the backseat anymore. After I got back from driving, I tried to work on my digital photography poster but my photos were too big to all fit on one piece of poster paper. I had to make a special trip to Rite-Aid just to get more poster paper.
I think we only have about 11 more weeks of school left. This only means more thoughts of summer are going through my head. I remember the last day of school last year like it was yesterday. I only had one more final to finish, it was for Lab Biology. Mrs. Jergenson was handing out chocolate for everyone in the class, my classmates and I were all talking about the cars we were going to be driving into school the next year. We all still had our permits. I was thinking about leaving school early because we were allowed to that day. My dad picked me up in the Caddy, it was so warm and sunny out that day.
I knew I was going to go for a drive later that day with my mom. I put my bags in the house, walked outside and sat on my swing. Optimism, freedom, and thoughts of Jimmy flooded my head. I had the biggest crush on him and I never thought we would end up being together. Ever since the summer we were together almost every day and he's become such a big part of my life. If you asked me back then if I thought he and I would end up together, I wouldn't believe you. I'm so happy with the way things turned out.
So much love!! :) <3
Last night my car started!! Yep, that's right. It took about six tries but she finally revved right up. All the doors in my car are working now so my mom doesn't have to ride in the backseat anymore. After I got back from driving, I tried to work on my digital photography poster but my photos were too big to all fit on one piece of poster paper. I had to make a special trip to Rite-Aid just to get more poster paper.
I think we only have about 11 more weeks of school left. This only means more thoughts of summer are going through my head. I remember the last day of school last year like it was yesterday. I only had one more final to finish, it was for Lab Biology. Mrs. Jergenson was handing out chocolate for everyone in the class, my classmates and I were all talking about the cars we were going to be driving into school the next year. We all still had our permits. I was thinking about leaving school early because we were allowed to that day. My dad picked me up in the Caddy, it was so warm and sunny out that day.
I knew I was going to go for a drive later that day with my mom. I put my bags in the house, walked outside and sat on my swing. Optimism, freedom, and thoughts of Jimmy flooded my head. I had the biggest crush on him and I never thought we would end up being together. Ever since the summer we were together almost every day and he's become such a big part of my life. If you asked me back then if I thought he and I would end up together, I wouldn't believe you. I'm so happy with the way things turned out.
So much love!! :) <3
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Not My Day
I woke up for school this morning, picked out a cute outfit which consisted of a turtleneck sweater and yoga pants, I even wore my hair down under the assumption that it would be a great day. As you all know, my car doesn't like to start in extremely cold weather. In fact, it only starts if it's around 30 degrees. Not the best car if you're living in Maine. Naturally, I had to get a ride to school.
The best turtleneck in the world!
Around 7:30, my brother, Andy, showed up at my house in his "new" truck. It's a '93 Ford F150. It's the loudest truck I've ever heard, and I think everyone will know that Andy's in town when they hear that thing rolling down the street.
So we pull into the school, and of course there's already people in the parking lot. People that you would consider the popular, cool kids. Kids that have cars that their parents bought for them. "Nice ride," One of them said to me sarcastically. "Where's your car?" I explained to them that my car doesn't like to start unless it's warm out. Then they told me that my car is the biggest piece of shit in the world, so that made me feel great.
When I got to my first class, there were comments made about my hair such as, "Why would you come to school with wet hair? I'm surprised it didn't freeze." It's days like this that make me want to live on another planet. Why do people feel the need to talk to other people in such a disrespectful way? Why can't people be accepting of what others wear, say, and do. I understand everyone is going to have an opinion, but sometimes it's better to keep it to yourself. Think about how what you say could negatively effect someone for the rest of their day.
The best turtleneck in the world!
Around 7:30, my brother, Andy, showed up at my house in his "new" truck. It's a '93 Ford F150. It's the loudest truck I've ever heard, and I think everyone will know that Andy's in town when they hear that thing rolling down the street.
So we pull into the school, and of course there's already people in the parking lot. People that you would consider the popular, cool kids. Kids that have cars that their parents bought for them. "Nice ride," One of them said to me sarcastically. "Where's your car?" I explained to them that my car doesn't like to start unless it's warm out. Then they told me that my car is the biggest piece of shit in the world, so that made me feel great.
When I got to my first class, there were comments made about my hair such as, "Why would you come to school with wet hair? I'm surprised it didn't freeze." It's days like this that make me want to live on another planet. Why do people feel the need to talk to other people in such a disrespectful way? Why can't people be accepting of what others wear, say, and do. I understand everyone is going to have an opinion, but sometimes it's better to keep it to yourself. Think about how what you say could negatively effect someone for the rest of their day.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Sundays
Ever since Thursday, I've been sick with a stuffy nose. My diet has consisted of soup, ginger ale, tea, apple cider, and water. It's been pretty much impossible to sleep at night because of it. But I have good news, I'm seeing Skrillex on July 30th in Portland and I couldn't be more pumped. I've been a fan since freshman year, I even did the side shave.. Let's not think about that.
It feels like my sinuses are blocking my creative juices from flowing. My favorite thing about this english assignment is that we don't have to correct anything and we can write about whatever. I still have a bunch of homework I need to get done before school tomorrow, including 50 photos for digital photography. I'm beginning to hate that class.
Some days I don't want high school to end, but days like this, actually almost every Sunday, I think about my alarm going off at 6:15 and pressing snooze. I think school would be easier to deal with if it would just warm up outside. I remember being able to wear t-shirts at this time a few years ago. Moving to Hawaii is sounding more and more appealing.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Bittersweet
Every week day I wake up at 6:15 AM. I take a shower, eat breakfast, brush my teeth, start the car, and go to school. Pretty exciting, huh? Today, I was pleasantly surprised to hear that we had a snow day! The day that all teachers and students dream of. Although today would be a great day to catch up on any classes I'm behind in, I think it sounds better to lounge around in my PJ's, drink coffee, munch some snacks and catch up on sleep.
As I'm sitting here listening to 311 enjoying my day off, my mind can't help but be flooded with thoughts of warm, care-free summer days. Sure, being all cozied up in blankets and the generic North Face attire is great, but there's something about summer that puts my mind at ease. No worries about school work, going to bed whenever you want and waking up at noon. I love the laid back vibes that summer brings to me.
This photo was taken at the trails near the high school. Summer 2013
In a few months, my junior year summer will arrive. Senior pictures, and then my senior year. This will be my last summer of not working and just enjoying my life. When my senior year is over, I'll (hopefully) be getting ready to go off to college. I can't help but think of all the friends I've made in my high school years and I can't believe it will all be over soon. I've made so many good memories at this school and it's gone by so fast. I've struggled to pass all my classes and deal with my anxiety, but I've made it this far and I know if I stick to my goals I can be whatever I want to be; a culinary artist.
I want to make the most of the rest of my high school years, making memories and hanging out with my friends, going to prom, graduation... I know that I can complete high school and get into college, but sometimes thinking about what the future holds for me is scary.
Good memories with good friends, Summer 2013
More good memories, beginning of my Junior year and Zara's Senior year!
As I'm sitting here listening to 311 enjoying my day off, my mind can't help but be flooded with thoughts of warm, care-free summer days. Sure, being all cozied up in blankets and the generic North Face attire is great, but there's something about summer that puts my mind at ease. No worries about school work, going to bed whenever you want and waking up at noon. I love the laid back vibes that summer brings to me.
This photo was taken at the trails near the high school. Summer 2013
In a few months, my junior year summer will arrive. Senior pictures, and then my senior year. This will be my last summer of not working and just enjoying my life. When my senior year is over, I'll (hopefully) be getting ready to go off to college. I can't help but think of all the friends I've made in my high school years and I can't believe it will all be over soon. I've made so many good memories at this school and it's gone by so fast. I've struggled to pass all my classes and deal with my anxiety, but I've made it this far and I know if I stick to my goals I can be whatever I want to be; a culinary artist.
I want to make the most of the rest of my high school years, making memories and hanging out with my friends, going to prom, graduation... I know that I can complete high school and get into college, but sometimes thinking about what the future holds for me is scary.
Good memories with good friends, Summer 2013
More good memories, beginning of my Junior year and Zara's Senior year!
Who is Katie?
My name is Katie. I'm a 17 year old from a small town in Maine. I'm pretty sure we only have one stoplight. I may be young but I have goals and dreams. I'm not like every other high school girl. My parents didn't buy me my dream car or all the clothes that I wanted. I'm just trying to make the best of what I have right now and trying to eliminate the negatives in every situation.
I drive an '87 Volvo station wagon and aside from the technical difficulties I wouldn't have chosen a different first car. It's unique. I don't want the Ford Focus that everyone else has. My favorite thing to do in my spare time is go out cruisin' in the wagon. I don't crank up the country music, I bump gangsta rap.
I have a low tolerance for ignorance and people who think they're better than everyone else. I may be small but I have big opinions and I will tell you how it is. My dream is to own a bakery and make dank pastries. I want to go to college for culinary arts. I know it will be difficult, but I'm determined. I want to depend on myself and no one else. I want to have my own house, career, and a car that's a million times better than the one I have now.
Someday, I want to move somewhere that's warm all year round, preferably Hawaii. I want to be able to wake up, walk down to the beach and put my toes in the sand every morning. I find optimism in warm, sunny days. I have a strange obsession with space and galaxies and I often wish I could live on another planet. I love tie dye and anything peace related, even though I have a short temper. Listening to Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix, and Sublime calms me down. I wish people were more considerate with other peoples feelings. Aquarius.
I drive an '87 Volvo station wagon and aside from the technical difficulties I wouldn't have chosen a different first car. It's unique. I don't want the Ford Focus that everyone else has. My favorite thing to do in my spare time is go out cruisin' in the wagon. I don't crank up the country music, I bump gangsta rap.
I have a low tolerance for ignorance and people who think they're better than everyone else. I may be small but I have big opinions and I will tell you how it is. My dream is to own a bakery and make dank pastries. I want to go to college for culinary arts. I know it will be difficult, but I'm determined. I want to depend on myself and no one else. I want to have my own house, career, and a car that's a million times better than the one I have now.
Someday, I want to move somewhere that's warm all year round, preferably Hawaii. I want to be able to wake up, walk down to the beach and put my toes in the sand every morning. I find optimism in warm, sunny days. I have a strange obsession with space and galaxies and I often wish I could live on another planet. I love tie dye and anything peace related, even though I have a short temper. Listening to Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix, and Sublime calms me down. I wish people were more considerate with other peoples feelings. Aquarius.
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