The Accident

Ever since my dad was in a car accident about two months ago, my life has been very difficult. I remember the day it happened like it was yesterday. My mom picked me up from school like normal. I got in the car and I had a really weird feeling. She asked me if I needed anything, which was strange because normally she only asks about how my day was. I said I didn't need anything but why she asked me. She told me my dad had been in a bad car accident and had to be taken to the hospital. Knowing that my dad was still going to look really messed up from the accident, I sat this one out while my mom went up to the hospital to visit him.

I remember being really scared that he wasn't going to make it. My house felt unwelcoming and strange without anyone from my family being there. That night, I got several calls from different family members asking if my dad was ok and if I needed anything. I was still in shock so I didn't know what to say. While holding back tears, I told them I was ok and that I didn't need anything. Every time I got off the phone with someone, I would put my face down in the pillow and cry.

The next day at school was really hard. It felt like everyone knew what happened and wanted to know every last detail about how I was feeling and how my dad was doing and if I needed anything. It was extremely overwhelming because I was still in shock and having a hard time thinking. I didn't want to talk about anything because I knew that I would cry.

Right after school that day, I went up to Eastern Maine Medical Center to see my dad. When we walked into his hospital room, my dad had matted up blood in his hair and he could barely talk because he was in so much pain. I tried to stay strong for my mom but it was breaking my heart to see him like that. The doctors said that he had a broken sternum and a concussion and he would need physical therapy to get back to normal.

The next day when I visited my dad it really killed me. He was on so much Oxycodone that he wasn't himself at all. He kept crying and he was really emotional. The doctors said it was because of the concussion, but I think they were giving him too much medication. He would have several hallucinations when we were up there which was hard to see. He kept saying that he didn't want to live anymore and there was no point. Our only reliable car had been totaled. He loved that thing. When it became unbearable, I walked out into the hallway and started bawling my eyes out. I rested my head on the wall while wiping away tears. I felt like my entire family's life was about to be changed forever.

One of the nurses saw me crying in the hallway and asked me what was wrong and I told her everything that my dad was saying. I told her that he didn't want to live anymore. She asked me where my dad's room was and my dad had to get counseling from different people in the hospital. They were trying to put my dad on antidepressants and that's when I lost it. They said it wouldn't change my dad's personality whatsoever, but I know from experience in the past that it completely changes a person. I hated going to that hospital because I knew they were over-medicating my dad just so he wouldn't be a bother to them.

My mom wanted me to go up to the hospital to visit my dad all the time, but I knew whenever I went up there it would just be the same thing over and over. I would get really pissed because it seemed like none of the nurses cared about my dad at all. They would take forever to get into his room whenever my dad buzzed them and they would give him too much pain medicine.

It was like this every day for the next week or so. The doctors said that my dad would need to go to Ross Manor or the Veterans Home after getting out of the hospital to get the proper care. My dad would cry and say he didn't want to go to Ross Manor because almost everyone he knew that went there had passed away. We got it arranged that he would be able to stay at the Veterans Home. He was there for about a month I think. It felt like an eternity.

Every time I would come home, the house felt like a completely different atmosphere. When my dad was at our house, he would have almost every radio and TV in the house on. Now it was silent. Sometimes my mom would have to work the night shift so I would be at my house by myself. I was really scared because I thought that someone would break in and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I had to make sure the door was locked every night. Even if I wasn't going to bed, I made sure the door was locked at all times.

Even though my dad is back home now, my mom and I still have to do a lot of things on our own. Not only do we have to deal with the emotional toll of the accident, we have to deal with only having one reliable car, having to ask my brother to snow plow the driveway, and having to take care of my dad. It can be really stressful at times. Sometimes I don't know how I'm going to get to school or get home and I hate having to get rides from people. I never know what condition the house is going to be in when I get home because my dad almost never locks the door and my mom is almost always at work. Sometimes my mom has to work up to 18 hours because people don't show up, so I have to take care of the house and my dad.

Some days are easier than others, some days I feel stressed and overwhelmed. I just remember that my dad would be proud of me for going to school and getting my education. I know that I can't let personal problems stop me from getting where I want to be in the future, that's why I keep going.